Today, it is exactly one year ago that I wrote my Dual Patriotism post, probably one of the best posts on my blog in my humble opinion. Not much has changed in regards to my opinion of dual patriotism, I still think that it is possible to love two countries equally! However, the biggest difference between last year and this year, is that I am now nearly 100% sure that I am going to apply for American Citizenship. Changing my citizenship will not really change much other than the color of my passport, and my the right to vote (some of you may not think that is a good thing :-). Next year is a presidential election year, and I would love to have my voice heard. In addition, my Danish passport expires next June, and I will also need to get my green card renewed at some point next year. In reality that is a lot more work than applying for and getting American citizenship, and I would no longer have to deal with those issues (even though they are nothing but minor nuisances). I think it would be really neat if I could be sworn in on the fourth of July in the ceremony they hold in Tallahassee, and probably pretty much everywhere else.
Would I be a proud American? Absolutely, it has been a long journey for me, but I now know that I am "home". I love Tallahassee, I have the greatest friends anyone could ask for, a beautiful house, an awesome medical team, and a great new church family, oh and a pretty darn awesome husband. The term church family has always struck me as being kind of weird, but there really is no better way of describing it. The people at CenterPoint are more than just people going to our church, they are more than friends, they are family! I don't intend on sounding as if God all of a sudden struck me with this realization, as that would be a lie. It has been a long and painful process, and I am sure it will continue that way. God has slowly, nudged me in the right direction for years, and I have slowly followed, without even realizing it. Sometimes I have been kicking and screaming, and sometimes I have peacefully followed without even knowing where I was going.
The above mentioned issues are basically personal issues, and do not really provide the answer as to whether or not I would be a good American. But I still know that I will. America has some of the most beautiful people in the world, sure it has it's fair share of "ugly" people, as does every nation, there is just something about the "pioneer" spirit that still permeates the people even up to today! I hope the spirit will rub off on me, as I think that spirit would be what it would take for me to completely come to terms with my disease, the never give up attitude, the attitude that if you hit a brick wall you either find a way around it, or climb over it. Lately I have lacked a lot in that department. Every time I have hit a wall, all I have done is get mad, and sit down by the wall, waiting for someone to come and bring me either around it or over it. And, every time someone has come along, and given me what I needed to scale the obstacle, but I have just never been satisfied with what they offered. My brain is very black and white, and for some irrational reason, it thinks that it is only worth it to scale the wall if it will offer me a life without MD on the other side. Otherwise why would I scale it?
On a day like today, while doing something I love, namely writing, I know that the MD really is not the issue, I am the issue. My priorities are completely warped. I am incapable of seeing my value, I only see the non-valuable things, such as the things the MD has done to my body, and will keep doing. My brain seems to think that it does not matter that I am an awesome teacher, writer, friend, wife etc as long as I have MD. Being an awesome teacher, writer, friend, or wife, does not require MD, most people are perfectly capable of being a lot of those things without being disabled, and that is where I lose sight of my value.
I owe a lot of people thanks and apologies as I know I am not always easy to be around! I apologize to the people, who truly know me, for being as stubborn as I am, do I fight you because I don't want to listen, or do I fight because I don't want to know what is on the other side of the wall, I don't know, but I am so grateful that you are not giving up on me, that you see something in me I fail to see. I owe thanks to more people than I can even mention here, but I think a lot of you may know who I am talking about. I want to thank you for being willing to learn how to help me out, to include me in "girl" only events. It took me a while to realize I am not being invited out of pity, but because you want me there. You don't care that I am disabled, you all see me as Pernille.
One of my favorite statements when I give compliments to people is "Take it and run with it, you never know when I will throw another one at you". You don't need to run anywhere with it right now, as this is a permanent thank you! A thank you for just allowing me to be me without being nervous, a thank you for not being afraid to ask me how you can help me, and a HUGE thank you for making me feel comfortable enough to accept your offers, and letting you help me!
Have a Happy Fourth of July, all you beautiful people out there! You are not only celebrating America's birthday, you are also celebrating, the spirit that made America, and is still very much alive in you all.
P
Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com
