The final piece.

I finally got the results from my last cardiology test, it came back fine as well. It is good to know that I am not dead, and that my heart essentially beats the way it is supposed to. Have you noticed how doctors use words that really aren't needed such as essentially, why couldn't he just say your heart beats the way it should or it does not beat the way it should. Essentially kind of leaves room for interpretation! Being the very patient person I am, I called my neurologist immediately after getting the information and left him a message. Apparently Doctors and regular people have different definitions of patience, as I have not heard back yet, and it has been a full 48 hours and counting :-) I was cautiously optimistic and hoped that I would have been able to start the albuterol by this weekend. If it keeps going at the rate it has been going so far, it will probably be around Christmas!

Remember Mike I mentioned in one of my first posts? If not, head back and read about him, he is a pretty neat guy!. Mike has been fighting brain cancer for the past year, and a while ago he found out from an MRI that there was no regrowth of his tumor, but that there were some white spots on his brain. They took him off his meds for a while to see what would happen. He had another MRI the other day, and the spots have not changed. The doctors are baffled and will now send him off to Duke as they have the best specialists. No one knows if this is good or bad. This uncertainty is hard, I know it is hard for Mike and his family, I know as I live it every day. MD is a very unpredictable disease, and every day I am afraid that I am going to notice that some new part doesn't work the way it should.

I just finished a second RC Sproul book called Reason to Believe, it was a skinny little thing so it didn't take me long to read. Much like the Truth book, Sproul is explaining why God allows certain things such as suffering. His answer is that suffering is directly related the the human fall, and that we all need to suffer in order to participate in the suffering of Christ. A misunderstanding is often, that suffering is directly related to sin, and that we all suffer in proportion to our own sin, we don't. Well that is good to know, I have at times wondered why certain people get hit by tragedy over and over again without having done anything obvious wrong.

What I find interesting is actually that my own approach to suffering is the simplistic way, in which I believe that my suffering is in direct proportion to something I have done wrong at some point in time. I often blame myself for having MD, when people ask me why I blame myself I struggle with coming up with a satisfying answer other than I just have to, it is no one elses's fault. I then wonder what I did wrong or what my brother did wrong, or what Mike did wrong and I can't find an answer to that, so maybe Sproul is right, suffering is not directly associated with your sin, if nothing else, it is a nice thought!!!!

I have added a page under the tab called home, where I have listed the books I have read so far if you feel like checking them out. I will update the list along the way.

I'm off to call my neurologist!!!

P
Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

Who is calling who?

Many people say that God has called them, they feel the pull or the drive to do something specific. They do whatever the "calling" is without complaints as there is nothing they would rather do than the job God has asked them to do! I think that over the past months, while working my way through Sproul, I have gotten at least a little bit of an understanding of what God is. I also understand that God may not answer our prayers, or he may answer them in a way we don't understand. All we have to do is have faith in a God who will only do what is best for us, so everything that happens to us, good or bad, will be good in the end. That is a lot of faith to put in someone who is not you! What I still don't understand though is how do people know what God has called them to do? Is it a feeling? A sign?, or is it something else. I am fairly sure they have not received a phone call from a guy with a long white beard telling them what to do! Skeptics may say that these people are acting out of instinct, and who knows, they might be!

I don't know if God has called me, but I do know that I am calling him. I don't expect a miracle to happen I know that I will not magically be healed when I wake up tomorrow morning. But if I have to go from being someone who really never gave Christianity or religion much thought, to a person who believes in God, I would like a little more two way communication!. Every night I try to talk to God for a little while, just to see how it feels. I am not sure if it is prayer. Prayer to me always seems very structured, people have a certain prayer before they eat, before bedtime etc. Is it possible for me to just "talk" to him? and is he listening?

If God has truly nudged me, as several people have indicated that he has, how will I know? How will I make the decision to become a Christian if I choose to? Is it really a choice I have? If there is a God hasn't he already made the decision for me, and no matter what I do the decision will never be mine?. I will probably be taking some detours on my way to wherever I am going, but if God's plan for me is to become a Christian, I bet it is also his plan for me to be curious about other religions including atheism! How will I know when I am at the end of my journey and have found the place where my soul needs to hang its hat? How do you guys know?

Food for thought!

P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

2/3 of the way

I got the test results from two of the tests they did at my cardiologist's office last week, and both my EKG and Echo came back normal. That is good news, not that I really thought something was wrong, but it is always intimidating when you get hooked up to beeping machines, and people don't tell you what the beeps mean because the Dr needs to review them first! I hope to hear the result of the holter monitor one of these days, and then I should be ready to start my Albuterol experiment, as soon as I can get a hold of my neurologist :-). It seems as if my patience is finally paying off!. I am cautiously optimistic, so keep your fingers crossed.

During my "delay" I was pretty productive, I finished Sproul's truths, and I will be summing up what I learned from it one of the next days. I also managed to get myself closed into a bathroom stall at a local restaurant due to no fault of my own. However, the incident has lead me to think about all the situations we as disabled people sometimes find ourselves in. The situations are often really no body's fault. The incident in the bathroom stall was caused by a door that was very tight, and someone pulled it all the way shut from the outside while I was in there. After what happened I really had two choices, to either laugh or to cry. I actually did a little bit of both, several times. I laughed it off in the restaurant (after my mother in law helped me out) to avoid crying. When I went to bed I cried because the entire situation was just so stupid, it could easily have been prevented. The restaurant really needs to keep their doors in working order. But if I wasn't stuck with this curse of a disease, I would not have been shut in in the first time as I would have used one of the other stalls. I am sure we have all experienced this kind of situation at some point in our lives, however, it seems to happen more frequently to people with disabilities.

I have noticed an ability to distance myself from embarrassing situations, at times I can just pretend that whatever is going on is not happening to me but to someone else who is talking through my mouth and using my body. It generally becomes real after a few days when I realize I was the one shut in the bathroom stall or whatever else happened. Once I realize that I was the one in the "stupid" situation, it feels as if a little piece of my pride gets taken away, and it gets harder and harder to grow it back. I have been told that once your pride is gone life becomes easier. I don't believe it!

Sleep tight!

P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

11

Today is our 11Th anniversary, it is really strange to think that it has already been 11 years since we had our wedding in Denmark. What is even more strange is that I have now lived in American for a full 11 years. I already mused about my feelings about patriotism in an earlier post, so I will spare you again. This time, my ramblings will be about marriage, itchy feet, children or lack there of, and belonging.

Most of you know what it is like to either be married or to be in a long term relationship, there are ups and downs, and we all experience issues from time to time, but overall, if you stay married the issues are either minor or you are able to work them out. It is the same for Tom and me. We do have the added issue of the redheaded stepchild that decided to move in. Sometimes the MD does make things tough on our marriage, not 'I want to divorce you' tough, but it requires better than average communication skills! I need to learn that because Tom loves me and doesn't want to live without me, he does not mind helping me, even when it really is annoying or inconvenient. I am really bad at projecting my thought and feelings onto him, NOT A GOOD QUALITY, but a habit that is hard to break none the less.

Over the past 11 years we have lived in a few places, it took us (probably me) a while to find a place where I felt truly at home. In Nebraska I missed the ocean, and there was way to much sky, something you can only understand and appreciate if you grew up by the ocean. I have noticed that people in the Midwest are exactly opposite to that, which is probably a good thing or we would all have to live off of seafood and no one would be growing corn and other crops for us! We finally ended up in Tallahassee after a couple of detours in Nebraska and South Florida. Tallahassee is home and I will be staying here for a long time. There isn't too much sky, and if I want to see the ocean I can do that within an hour. Tom feels much the same, we have both found a place to call home.

While itching our feet around the Midwest and Southwest Florida, we never really gave the issue of having children much thought, we weren't settled, we were by the way also way to young to be parents ?!?!? You name the excuse and we had it. The strange thing is that after the diagnosis of MD, it became a little bit of an issue, not a huge issue, but nonetheless an issue that once in a while rears its ugly head. I think my clock started ticking a little faster than it should. Technically there should be nothing keeping us from having children, I will not pass the curse on to them unless Tom is also a carrier, and a genetic blood test can determine that. I have read articles about women with MD who have successfully had children without any regrets or major issues, but yet I feel that the decision was made for me. Does that make me selfish? I am afraid that if we were to choose to have children, that my condition would worsen, and to be honest that is the last thing I want! I also don't think it would be fair to bring children in to this world, knowing that their mother is disabled, and may become even more disabled as time goes along. I think it would put an unnecessary burden on them, as they would by default be forced to help me with things other kids would not have to help a parent do! Some people will probably say that it is not a burden, and that the children would gladly help me out. They might be right, I just could not take on that responsibility. What I do wonder about though is, does it make me selfish to choose not to have children just because there is a chance my condition could worsen faster? Other women with MD said that it was a price worth paying. Tom loves kids and kids love Tom, am I taking something away from him? I know there are options apart from "making" your own, but I will not bore you with those :-)

The past 11 years have been a bumpy ride for me, I've had to find home in a new country, I've had to learn to fit in, I've been diagnosed with MD, but there has been one stable throughout the whole thing, Tom!

Happy Anniversary Dude!

Love Ya

P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

Cool Aid

I went back to the cardiologist Yesterday and had the thingy magingy taken off. It is called a 24hr Holter Monitor by the way. I also had my echo done, so now all I have to do is...wait. I'm getting used to that! I should know in about a week if the albuterol experiment is a go from the cardiologist as well. One of the frustrating things about having MD is that there is nothing you or anyone else can do to make it go away. All you ever do is wait. The albuterol will not cure me, it may make no difference for me at all, but as long as there is a chance, however little it may be, to increase my quality of life, there is hope that someone will find a cure before it is to late. My neurologist is very hopeful and optimistic that there will be a cure or treatment sooner rather than later. He believes it will not be to late for me when it gets here.

I decided to skip a few chapters in Sproul, I will go back and read them later, but I felt that I needed something a little more dynamic, something I could relate to. Sproul is very clear that he is a Reformed Christian, and that to him all these are the only truths. I am by no means saying that they are not, I am not even close to being in a position to do that, I am just careful not to drink to much of the Cool Aid right up front. I found a chapter named "The Church", it made a lot of sense to me, and cleared up some issues, but I am not yet ready to clearly express what the chapter said to me. I will do that once I get all my ducks in a row!

Peace!

P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

Trinity

All right, I had my cardiologist appointment this afternoon. I guess it went pretty well, the Dr was actually the first Dr I have spoken to, who was not surprised about the theory about Albuterol, and he seemed to think that the experiment would be a no brainer. He did, however, order an EKG, Echo, and a thingy magingy I have to wear for the next 24 hours. It will measure my heart rate, check if I miss beats and a bunch of other stuff. So I am once again playing the waiting game....After the appointment today I got really tired, I think I "might've could've over did it" a little around the house this weekend simply because I was anxious about the appointment. I want to do this Albuterol experiment more than you can probably imagine.


Other than manically cleaning, and putting Tom to work over the weekend, I also did some more reading in Sproul. It is taking me a long time to get through the book, but I have to read each Truth at least twice. I spent quite a while on the Trinity. I have always had a hard time understanding why Christians claim that they only have one God, when to me there appear to be three. Distinguishing between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit to me indicated some kind of hierarchy, I mean, the father is usually above the son right? and the Holy Spirit just plain confused me. What is the Holy Spirit?, I gave up on that one, it was just either to complex or to abstract for me to understand, or maybe no one ever thought to break down the Trinity and explain it to me. Jesus is God, he is not "just" the Son of God, but he is God. However, in order for God to be able to get the work done he needed done to save humanity, he had to be both God and man. Jesus' body was like the rest of our bodies, he had physical needs, and he had things he physically needed to do, but he was also God, which made him "slightly" different. What happened to Jesus on Earth was preplanned by God. Until now I thought that Jesus was an innocent victim, and that he had no say in what happened to him. He was his Father's pawn in saving the human race. I was obviously wrong, Jesus knew what was going to happen, because he was the one who planned it. In order for us to be saved, and to believe in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, things could not have been done differently. I can probably accept that as an explanation, it is plausible. Jesus is now working both as a judge and advocate for us.

Now we get to the fun part, the Holy Spirit. I am constantly noticing how I am not always as perceptive as I should be. We are talking about the Holy SPIRIT, how on earth could I run around and think that the Holy Spirit would be something as tangible as Jesus? I think the Holy Spirit is kind of like Miracle Grow. God is the one planting the seed in us, he may even poke a little at us every now and then, we might pick up books about Christianity, and start asking people questions. However, unless the Holy Spirit feeds the seed, and lights up our hearts, we will never "feel" scripture the way we are supposed to. It will be impossible to be a Christian without it, as you must be a Christian both in your mind and in your heart.

I suppose you can consider the Trinity a unique and well oiled machine?. Each part has its own very important duties and tasks, but when you blend them together you get perfection which is what we call God??!.

I am going to leave Sproul alone for tonight, and just kick back and watch some TV, preferably something that does not require any brain power. Sproul is an excellent writer, and he makes everything seem logical, he makes it make sense, he makes it true, he makes me want it. I am also sure there are theologians in other religions or denominations with the same talents. Right now I am making a statement without any proof at all, but I would venture to say that each and every one of them will claim to have evidence proving that they are telling the truth. My job in this search for religion, truth, or faith or whatever you choose to call it, may just have taken on a new dimension. In addition to trying to understand what I am reading, and being told, I also have to determine when I am being manipulated. For a naive Hobbit like me, that is easier said than done.

Stay Safe where ever you are.

P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

The Little Things in Life

Living with Muscular Dystrophy is a challenge, I am not going to pretend it is not. It sucks, it really really major league sucks. It takes away your freedom and dignity, it makes you unable to do things everyone else takes for granted, everything takes a long time, and there are a lot of compromises, both in your personal life but also in your marriage.

I miss my freedom, it was so nice to just go to the mall or the lake or to a friend's house on Sundays when Tom was watching the Vikings. We were both content doing something we liked to do on Sundays. Now one of us always has to compromise, I know that if I ask Tom to go to the mall, or anywhere else with me on a Sunday afternoon during football season, that he is compromising. I compromise on Sundays when I would rather be taking a walk by the lake but end up at home watching football.

We always have to plan things more carefully than other people, we have to consider whether or not the place we are going is a place where I can get in with or without Tom's help. Stairs are really a struggle and I do not attempt them without Tom's support, simply because it is not safe. Every time there is a possibility that we may run into stairs I have to take into consideration whether or not the occasion for braving the stairs is worth the effort. One of the main deal breakers is "will there be people I don't know there?". If there are a lot of people I don't know, I will often stay home simply out of embarrassment. Do I need to be embarrassed? No absolutely not, at least that is what the rational part of my brain tells me, but unfortunately, the irrational part of my brain, the one in charge of ego my ego and emotions appears to be the stronger one. I don't think it is an issue I will overcome anytime soon. If we decide on doing the stairs I put on my happy face and pretend that it doesn't bother me EVEN though my heart is breaking on the inside.

There are a lot of helpful and understanding people out there, and I believe that 99.99999% of the population means well. I am working on learning to ask for help, and on directing people how to help me. It is a reality check every single time. It is usually in Dr's offices and places like that, and I have to remind myself that it is their job, and they really don't care. They are always friendly and I appreciate every single one of the people putting up with me time after time. I do, however, DESPISE unsolicited advice. Unless you are a really close friend, my Dr or husband, do not come up with suggestions as to how I can do things better, to me it indicates that you have been staring at me in what most people would consider an embarrassing situation. You probably mean well, but to me it is humiliating and painful. It does not increase my self esteem!

All right, sometimes there are good things as well, the MD has indirectly caused me to never ever be late for anything, it takes so long to get from the car to where I am going that I always leave at least 15-20 minutes more than most people would need.

I have also developed an appreciation for the smaller things in life. If you asked me ten years ago if I liked to clean and organize my house I would have said hell no. But now I appreciate it every time I am able to clean something, especially things that are supposed to be hard. Yesterday I cleaned all the glass surfaces in the house, they look awesome, I was sore and tired when done, but I think most people would be. Last week I swept and washed all the tile surfaces in the house. My newest project is to clean up our laundry room. To you guys it is just a chore, but to me it is a blessing that I am still able to do it. Remember that next time you dread scrubbing the toilet bowl. Please do not consider this en offer from me to come and clean your house!


Have a great weekend, take care of yourselves wherever you are, and remember, no unsolicited advice when you see someone struggle, hold the door open, ask if you can help, but do not offer advice.

P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

Patience

If patience really is a virtue I am not a very virtuous person. As mentioned last week I am playing the waiting game. I am not sure if the waiting has just gone into overtime, or if it is finally going somewhere. My neurologist called me todayto tell me that he is still on board with the Albuterol experiment, but that he wants me to see a cardiologist to make sure I won't have any heart complications from it. I am not going to pretend that I am not disappointed, I am, but I also fully understand that he wants to make sure I will not have any serious complications, he is after all trying to keep me alive.

It does wear on my patience though. I read a definition of patience as the ability to tolerate delay. I am about ready to burst wide open, I feel like someone put a carrot in front of me, almost within reach, only to yank it away again. I don't think patience is necessarily a question of tolerating delays, most of us don't. It is about making the best of the delays thrown at us.

This setback or whatever I should call it, is once again raising the "faith" issue in my little brain. This time, however, the questions going through my brain are not the practical questions I have been throwing at y'all until now. The questions are the why questions. I have spent way to much time asking the why questions only to be disappointed time after time. I am working on avoiding them as much as possible, but I am not doing a very good job. There is a very fine line between grief, anger, and self-pity. I suppose there are some questions I am not supposed to know the answer to. If there is a God, why did he chose me to get MD? What did I do wrong? Is it God's will that I time after time have to get disappointed, and have to fight my way back up? is he testing me to gauge my strength? If so, what is coming that I will need it for?

The blow to the Albuterol experiment is not lethal, and I should not worry until I know what my cardiologist has to say! Today I am, however, choosing to be a little angry, simply because this is annoying.

I have received a lot of reading and listening materials about faith and religion from people over the past few days. I will do my best to use my delay to make sense of it all, and post my thoughts and questions one of the next days.

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

Dual-patriotism

This August I will have been a Permanent Legal Resident of the United States for 11 years. What does that mean? This post will have very little to do with MD or Christianity. However, the 4th of July appears to be a day of reflection for many people, so I thought I would join the crowd and throw in my two cents before I go to my bbq.

I googled the definition of Patriotism and got the following "love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it".

In Denmark we really don't give the word patriotism a lot of thought, we are content, proud, and conceited. Sometimes I think about Denmark as the Shire in the Lord of the Rings, and the Danes as Hobbits. We are private, nice, warm, and fuzzy, but if you threaten our way of life, we become fierce, and you do not want to get in our way.

Moving to America actually posed more of a problem for me than I initially thought it would. I considered myself a world traveler, I had after all circled the globe, lived a year in Belgium, and spent a significant amount of time in America. There should be no problems.

Apparently I was more of a Hobbit than I thought, I wished to continue my way of life, and expected everyone around me to adjust to that, I mean it is a no brainer that the Danish way is the way!.

For the longest time I considered myself a visitor in America, and I would get annoyed with the displays of so called Patriotism. Just putting up a flag does not make you a patriot, and if you are as awesome as you think you are, why do you have to display it all the time?. Why do you have to constantly make up songs telling the world how awesome you are? If you are that awesome you really shouldn't have to toot your own horn.

I am not sure when I realized that I have become a dual-patriot. But I remember once fairly recently when Tom and I visited Denmark, that I referred to America as home. I had for way to long imagined Denmark as the Shire and America as just a place I lived, but slowly, I had changed, and I never even noticed the change, I had started to feel at home outside the Shire.

Some people will claim that dual-patriotism does not exist, you cannot love two countries equally. I feel sorry for those people because you can. Do you love your second child any less than your first? I love the Shire with all my heart and all my soul, and I think the coziness and sense of collective responsibility allows for a form of social security and happiness that is hard to parallel. However, I have also come to love this huge country called America with all its faults and socioeconomic inequalities. There is a kindness and strength in the American people that I can only ever hope to mirror. The American people will stand together in time of crisis, it does not matter if you are Democrat, Republican, Libertarian or none of the above. When tragedy strikes, both on a national or local level, the true nature comes out. If you have cancer, your church will hold fundraisers to help you pay for your medical bills. If a hurricane strikes, the entire nation will stand together to help out. To me that is true kindness, true love for your country and its people, and that is why I am proud to fly the American flag today. What I considered tooting your own horn, is really a well deserved expression of pride. I am a dual-patriot, Denmark was my first home, and will always be my first love, and if you ever think about beating Denmark in soccer this Hobbit will come out of her cave!. America has shown me what true compassion and beauty is, we have reason to be proud!

Happy Birthday America!


P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

Spouses

Yesterday Mike's Wife told me that she is not reading his blog because she is already living it. I once again had to stop and think, I seem to be doing that a lot right now. Yeah, this is not just about me, as much as I would like it to, it is also about Tom. For those of you who know Tom, you will know that I have the most supportive, loving, and handsome husband in the world. I have done my best to push him away because I love him, and I don't think he deserves to live this life with me. Someone else could give him a much better life, but he doesn't want someone else he wants me. I guess when he said "I do" almost 11 years ago he meant it. I am a lucky girl!

If you have no interest in my "quest" for the truth about Christianity, I suggest that you stop reading now, a novel is following!

I am still waiting for the Albuterol, I am trying not to waste my time while waiting, so last night I dedicated to some research. I am reading a book called Essential Truths of the Christian Faith by R.C. Sproul. It is in reality probably written for people who do not need convincing to the same degree as I do. Despite the fact that "truth" is written in layman's terms, I have to read them several times before they begin to sink in. I have come to a few conclusions, both by the aid of the book, the Bible, and a very kind and patient person who lets me ask all my stupid and naive questions, and who actually manages to put the answers into terms my little brain is somewhat able to take in, oh and you too Tom, you are smart and patient as well!.

I have determined that if there is a God, he is really not as warm and fuzzy as we would like to think! He put every single one of us here on Earth for a purpose, and if your purpose is to be a jack ass then you are just out of luck. I get it, by showing interest in God I am one of the lucky ones, God put the little spark in there, I am not a jack ass. But can anyone tell me how entire nations can be created as defective humans? It is obviously not a coincidence. Are all of these people doomed, or can the little seed God planted in me, be present even if they don't know it is there? I know a lot of wonderful people who do not believe in God. It seems like an awful waste of resources and energy to me if they are all sent straight to Hell without even being given a chance. Does this mean that Hell is really just a "garbage can"?

Another thing that puzzled me, was that when Sproul spoke about creation, he got into this long explanation about how something cannot be created from nothing. Since there is something (us life etc) something out there must have been uncreated, simply because something exists. This uncreated being would have to be a supreme being because all the rest of everything comes from something. It actually took more than three read throughs for me to even begin to fathom what he was saying, and I am still not sure I do. He may just be spinning me around in circles until I agree with him, or beg him to stop.

His suggestion at the end of his truth about creation was to read Genesis 1, so I did. So far I have read it in Tom's blue Bible, his red Bible, and on Biblegateway.com in the New American Standard Bible. Genesis 1, appears to me to have a lot of parallels to the version we are taught in science. How life started in the oceans and developed from there. Genesis was written way before my science book. Science shows us that this happened over millions of years, so how could God do it in seven days? C.S. Lewis said that for God there is no time, so we have no way of knowing if a day for God is the same as a day for us. I would venture to say no!. Whether this convinced of the "truth" behind "intelligent design" or if I am still going to root for the Big Bang, i don't know. I know there is some food for thought!

If any of you have read on long enough to read this entire novel I am not only impressed, I am also honored.

I have created a gmail address for you to use if any of you feel that you want to discuss any of my "blog" in private rather than as comments, or if you want to answer any of my questions. The email address is keepinghopejourney@gmail.com.

Have a Happy and Safe 4th of July.

P

Playing the Waiting Game....

About a year ago my friend, Mike, had a very sad and upsetting status update on his facebook page. The status said that he had brain cancer, a very serious and aggressive form of brain cancer. What I noticed more than anything else, however, was that he was going to create a blog that would allow everybody to follow his journey. His status also said that he was going to beat it as he wanted to dance at his son's wedding. At the end, he posted a link to the blog. The blog stopped me dead in my tracks, hey, here is a guy who has guts, he is suffering from a very deadly disease, and he is putting himself out there. To me the thought of fighting a serious illness was not nearly as scary as the idea of sharing it with people you love and care about. Over the past year I have followed Mike, not nearly as closely as I probably should have, but Mike has shown me what real courage is, what it means to fight, and what it means to ask for help when needed. All anyone could really do was to offer comfort and prayers, and even though I am not a religious person I prayed. Recently Mike's facebook update stated that his MRI had come back clear, the tumor is gone. Mike will be dancing at Cole's wedding, and I will be waiting for an invitation as I intend to dance as well!

Did our thoughts and prayers help Mike? I don't know, but I do know that I now have a new hero, a person I can only aspire to become. Was Mike's recovery a miracle? probably not, I think science did most of the work. But I do think that all the positive thoughts and prayers helped Mike keep his positive attitude and focus when things got rough, and I do think that staying that positive and focused is a little bit of a miracle.

Did someone or something nudge me to pray even though I did not know what prayer was? I will probably never truly know the answer to it, but I am going to keep looking!

I have posted information about my muscular dystrophy, my Albuterol experiment, and my search for something more than just sea anemones under the pages tab on the blog. Take time to look at them. I told a friend that I was not going to publish my blog about my fight with MD and the Albuterol experiment until I actually had the bottle in my hand. She told me that as far as she was concerned the fight had already started, and that I would still have plenty to say. Right now I am playing the waiting game, my neurologist has agreed to prescribe the Albuterol, he just wants to check with an internist first, thus the waiting game.