In two weeks Tom and I will be going to Denmark to visit my family. It has been a long time coming, and a lot of changes have taken place over there. My parents bought a new house, my nephew is a year older, and my brother and his wife had twin babies last April. I am looking forward to seeing them all, to meeting the two little miracles, and to playing with Jaron. What just hit me, though, is that Denmark is in reality just as far away as God and Jesus, I can't see them, or touch them, but none the less, I know they are real, and that I love them. Just because I cannot play with Jaron every day, or pick him up from daycare does not mean that he is not real, or that I don't love him. I do, I know that he is being played with, picked up, and loved. The same holds true for Julius and Clara, I have not met them, but I know in my heart that they exist, and that I love them, that they are loved and cared for even if I cannot do it in person. C S Lewis said something similar when comparing God with New York City. Just because he hasn't seen it, or isn't there, does not mean that it does not exist, he knows it does.
When I initially started my blog, one of the things included in it was a search for a meaning with life, for something more. A couple of years ago I had a hard time coming to terms with this being all there was, a life with MD, and then nothing! I set out reading a bunch of different books, asking a bunch of different questions, I played Devil's Advocate (I still ask a lot of questions and I still play Devil's advocate)but at some point I determined that I could no longer deny the existence of God. By accepting the existence of God I also had to look into this Jesus guy. Who was or is Jesus? What did he do that should convince me that he is the son of God? What has he done for me to make me bow down and worship him?
I am no New Testament Scholar, I am a math teacher. Just like my students need to trust me and believe me when I tell them how to solve an equation, I need to trust the Scholars when they tell me what Christ did, and which historical proofs there are. I used to say that I could not deny the historical existence of Christ, I did not think he was the son of God, that was just ridiculous. He was in my eyes a very good person and a really good teacher. Lewis, however, spent very little time shooting that one down, according to him there are only two options, Jesus was either who he claimed to be, or a madman.
By admitting that I believe that God exists, I cannot deny that Jesus was the son of God. I have put myself in a place where I must either completely deny God or accept Him and Jesus as a part of my life. I have chosen the acceptance. I hope that God and Jesus will be willing to help me figure out where to go from here, I mean, I am taking a turn I never thought I would take. I am not sure what changes it will bring if any. I asked someone if I am still allowed to get angry with God and Jesus and ask why because of the MD, and I was told that yes I am. I guess the difference will have to be for me to stop fighting the wrong battles, slow down and listen. Living life with MD sucks, but believing that something better is waiting for me, makes it easier. I have nothing to loose but everything to gain!
The search for a church we started before Christmas did not take very long. In a previous post I compared theology to beer and said how I have no trouble telling good beer from bad beer. Whereas I don't think we really experienced any bad theology in any of the churches we attended, we did run into a place with a very solid theology and decent seats. How did I know? It just tasted right, one was all I needed!
You can check out the church at http://www.cptchurch.com
Enjoy your weekend, it is going to be around 70 here for the first time since....I don't remember. Once the house has been cleaned I am going to pour me a Coke Zero and watch Tom rake and burn the leaves from last year ;-)
P
Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com
Saturday, January 29, 2011
New Beginnings
It is still early next year, but to me it seems as if it has been going on for a long time. My promise not to make any resolutions other than to learn to say no, has already gone out the window, but my failures to say no, have paid off in a positive manner. I will return to that later. Unfortunately it appears that my turtleitis has decided to show up again. Not a full blown attack, but I have used the cold weather in January as an excuse for spending as much time at home as possible, I have just felt a lot like being left alone. Well.... Even when hiding at home, people seem to find you, and pull you out.
I have a very good friend, who writes for the local paper. She and I made Danish sausage and liver pate (medister poelse and leverpostej) before Christmas, and she decided to write an article about me and the food, as well as our day of making Danish food. I was very shy about being in the paper, but didn't know how to say no (strike 1), in addition to the article they wanted a picture of me, Tom took it and we emailed it and I had my picture in the paper (strike 2). Before evening of the day the article and the picture were in the paper I was contacted by a professor at FSU asking me to come speak to her class about Denmark, our customs, protocol etc (strike 3). All within one day....I had no idea people would notice little old me, the picture was after all very small, however, the picture of the medister poelse was plastered on the front page of the food section and people are apparently attracted to sausage in the morning.
I gave the speech at FSU the other day, and received good feedback. Who would have known I would be able to speak in front of a group of strangers like that?. I found out that by focusing on a few particularly friendly faces, I could pretend that I was just having a conversation with a couple of people.
So even though I have already broken my only resolution for the year, I really don't feel that bad, I went so far outside my shell that I am surprised the rubber band holding me in did not burst!
Tom and I have also decided to create budgets this year to figure out where all our money goes etc. We got the Dave Ramsey program as a Christmas present. In the spirit of avoiding impulsive spending I have unsubscribed to ALL of the email updates and coupons I used to get from stores like Express, New York and Company, AE etc. My inbox is a lot less cluttered, and as of now I have noticed that it is a lot easier to stay off their sites and thus avoiding the temptation of heading to the mall, or getting out the credit card and doing some shopping online. We have not really created the budget yet, but we are very aware of where all our money goes, and I think that very soon we will be able to create it, and also reach step one of Dave Ramsey's program. Wish us luck!
I have a very good friend, who writes for the local paper. She and I made Danish sausage and liver pate (medister poelse and leverpostej) before Christmas, and she decided to write an article about me and the food, as well as our day of making Danish food. I was very shy about being in the paper, but didn't know how to say no (strike 1), in addition to the article they wanted a picture of me, Tom took it and we emailed it and I had my picture in the paper (strike 2). Before evening of the day the article and the picture were in the paper I was contacted by a professor at FSU asking me to come speak to her class about Denmark, our customs, protocol etc (strike 3). All within one day....I had no idea people would notice little old me, the picture was after all very small, however, the picture of the medister poelse was plastered on the front page of the food section and people are apparently attracted to sausage in the morning.
I gave the speech at FSU the other day, and received good feedback. Who would have known I would be able to speak in front of a group of strangers like that?. I found out that by focusing on a few particularly friendly faces, I could pretend that I was just having a conversation with a couple of people.
So even though I have already broken my only resolution for the year, I really don't feel that bad, I went so far outside my shell that I am surprised the rubber band holding me in did not burst!
Tom and I have also decided to create budgets this year to figure out where all our money goes etc. We got the Dave Ramsey program as a Christmas present. In the spirit of avoiding impulsive spending I have unsubscribed to ALL of the email updates and coupons I used to get from stores like Express, New York and Company, AE etc. My inbox is a lot less cluttered, and as of now I have noticed that it is a lot easier to stay off their sites and thus avoiding the temptation of heading to the mall, or getting out the credit card and doing some shopping online. We have not really created the budget yet, but we are very aware of where all our money goes, and I think that very soon we will be able to create it, and also reach step one of Dave Ramsey's program. Wish us luck!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Next Year
It is next year now!!!! For the first time I really haven't made any New Year's resolutions. I tell people that my resolution is to learn to say no, but that has nothing to do with New Year's, I resolve to learn to say no every time I stretch myself too thin!
No one ever makes New Year's resolutions with bad intentions, most resolutions are about making oneself a better and/or healthier person. I just don't think most resolutions are kept much past January 3rd, if they are even started at all, after all we don't want to throw the rest of the dessert from New Year's eve out do we?.
Just as I am not making any resolutions I probably wouldn't keep anyway, I am also not starting 2011 of filled with excitement and hope as I usually do a new year. I usually watch the ball drop with butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of all the good and exciting things the new year will bring. Every year I am convinced that it will be the magical year where all the difference is made. The year where a cure or treatment for MD (you can really add any of the terrible chronic diseases out there) is found.
It may sound as if I am very pessimistic right now, but I don't think I am. I am realistic, and being realistic is better than being a fool. By believing that the turn of a calendar will change anything at all, you just set yourself up for failure! Change is an ongoing process that takes place all the time. A process we have to be active participants in. 2010 was definitely a year of change for me, and I left it in a very different place than I entered it.
The biggest change has definitely been the fact that I finally started to fight my "turtleitis" (some of you may remember that I used that term in my introduction to the blog). Opening up, and telling people about my fight with MD, has made life easier in so many ways. I not only learned how many people really care about me, but I also learned how many people don't care one bit that I have MD. They define me as Pernille and not as Pernille with MD. That is a positive change I would have never even imagined when we entered 2010! I have met so many wonderful and inspirational people all because I decided to write this blog...Coincidence?
Another change has been my search for something bigger than myself, and I have spent hours and hours reading and researching. I have asked stupid questions of people, and I have had to give in and admit, that there is a God out there. The biggest reason, and possibly also simplest reason, for me to decide that there is a God, is that there are to many coincidences in life for them to be coincidences! Someone has to be putting them in place. I am very insecure about what the acceptance of a God means. Some say that it is pretty straight forward, and maybe it is, it is possible that I just put way to much thought into it. Either way, the journey is still interesting, and I look forward to continuing it this year.
I have not had a chance to be that active in the pool most of December because it has been really really cold, but beginning Monday I should be able to go back. The reason why I mention the pool is that my neurologist has allowed me to increase my albuterol by a small amount every day just to see if I can get an added benefit again. I hope so! I will do my best to remember the albuterol updates.
Finally, there is one area of 2010, where that has been very little, if any change at all, and that is the progression of the MD. I am leaving 2010 in much the same place as I entered it, and I thank God for that!
Happy New Year!
P
Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com
No one ever makes New Year's resolutions with bad intentions, most resolutions are about making oneself a better and/or healthier person. I just don't think most resolutions are kept much past January 3rd, if they are even started at all, after all we don't want to throw the rest of the dessert from New Year's eve out do we?.
Just as I am not making any resolutions I probably wouldn't keep anyway, I am also not starting 2011 of filled with excitement and hope as I usually do a new year. I usually watch the ball drop with butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of all the good and exciting things the new year will bring. Every year I am convinced that it will be the magical year where all the difference is made. The year where a cure or treatment for MD (you can really add any of the terrible chronic diseases out there) is found.
It may sound as if I am very pessimistic right now, but I don't think I am. I am realistic, and being realistic is better than being a fool. By believing that the turn of a calendar will change anything at all, you just set yourself up for failure! Change is an ongoing process that takes place all the time. A process we have to be active participants in. 2010 was definitely a year of change for me, and I left it in a very different place than I entered it.
The biggest change has definitely been the fact that I finally started to fight my "turtleitis" (some of you may remember that I used that term in my introduction to the blog). Opening up, and telling people about my fight with MD, has made life easier in so many ways. I not only learned how many people really care about me, but I also learned how many people don't care one bit that I have MD. They define me as Pernille and not as Pernille with MD. That is a positive change I would have never even imagined when we entered 2010! I have met so many wonderful and inspirational people all because I decided to write this blog...Coincidence?
Another change has been my search for something bigger than myself, and I have spent hours and hours reading and researching. I have asked stupid questions of people, and I have had to give in and admit, that there is a God out there. The biggest reason, and possibly also simplest reason, for me to decide that there is a God, is that there are to many coincidences in life for them to be coincidences! Someone has to be putting them in place. I am very insecure about what the acceptance of a God means. Some say that it is pretty straight forward, and maybe it is, it is possible that I just put way to much thought into it. Either way, the journey is still interesting, and I look forward to continuing it this year.
I have not had a chance to be that active in the pool most of December because it has been really really cold, but beginning Monday I should be able to go back. The reason why I mention the pool is that my neurologist has allowed me to increase my albuterol by a small amount every day just to see if I can get an added benefit again. I hope so! I will do my best to remember the albuterol updates.
Finally, there is one area of 2010, where that has been very little, if any change at all, and that is the progression of the MD. I am leaving 2010 in much the same place as I entered it, and I thank God for that!
Happy New Year!
P
Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com
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