Merry Christmas,
I think December was out to get me. Seriously, I swear yesterday was December 1st, and now it is Christmas Eve, well it actually turned into the 26th in the meantime. We have been extraordinarily busy this year, so December flew by faster than usual. I am, nonetheless, not intending to sit here and write about how December nipped me in the you know what, and disappeared.
Last Sunday, in church, a guy named Ben Kaempfer, gave the sermon. Ben has been spending the last two months or so living as a homeless person on the streets of Tallahassee. He has recently been a part of starting a new church called Downtown Community Church, where he hopes to minister to the inner city. He said that living as a homeless person taught him the humility he needed to be able to serve in an under served community. Being from a typical middle class background really did not allow him to relate to his congregation the best way possible.
He based his sermon on Philippians 2:1-11 (the headline, Humble, is a hyperlink). The passage speaks about humility, and about how we, as human beings, will never truly understand how humble Jesus really was. He took everything in stride, all the humiliations; he even allowed himself to be crucified for us. Imagine walking around every single day feeling the pain and misery of the entire world, without complaining, but rather you volunteer to take on the pain yourself... wow.
Philippians 2:1-11 is probably one of the most powerful passages I have read so far. It just hits home in so many ways. I am not going to pretend that I have come to terms with my MD. I have not, and it is not very likely that this stupid human brain will any time soon. However, I did have some kind of "aha" moment. I am not sure any person will ever truly know the plans God made for him/her. We are most all too arrogant and blind to do so. However, lately I have been working on a couple of different projects, that I hope are a part of the master plan.
I know that God has a plan for me. I do, however, have to admit that I have been running around screaming lalalalalala while plugging my ears, because our plans appear to be incompatible. One of the things the passage did, was to make me realize that my fight against the use of assistive devices, etc, is futile. The reason for that is that if I want to be successful at my ventures, I will need to accept that assistive devices are not signs of failure, but tools I need to use to reach my goal. Ben Kaempfer spoke about learning about humility while living as a homeless person. I think my lesson is to accept that without the humiliation (I am ONLY speaking for myself here, we all have different views) of admitting that I slowly will have to incorporate a few devices into my life, I will not be able to fulfill God's plans for me here on Earth. I still don't know what the plans are, but they all point in one direction, and every time I humble myself, something else falls into place, or a person I need will step into my life and replace needs I do not know I had.
I understand that I might possibly have insulted some of you by referring to the use of assistive devices as humiliating. No insult intended. It is all a part of my life lesson, and the day I was diagnosed with MD I swore that I was going. to prove that specific neurologist wrong. I became, and to some extent still am, obsessed with that thought and rather than accepting the rational way of looking at assistive devices as tools and not failures, I was unable to look at them as anything but a sign of my failure! To me, proving the neurologist wrong required nothing less than a full recovery. In reality, the fact that I am still as active as I am, and in the process I have begun to take back my independence, are proving him wrong. My wish and prayer is that I will be able to keep my focus pointed in that direction, but it will require hard work, blood, sweat, and tears, and turning insight into reality is not an easy task when your entire being is screaming against it.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
Peace
P
Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com
