P cubed and a little bit of horseback riding

I had just started my blog last night, when I somehow managed to hit "publish" and my two and a half lines were published, not only here, but also on facebook and on all the other places that automatically update. Good job Pernille!!! It has been a while since I have published anything, I guess we all go through dry spells once in a while, and I definitely did, I am not sure I am out of it yet, but I am going to try to share a few things with you...

The other day I was lucky enough to go horseback riding with Fdoa, it was fun. I was somewhat concerned about whether or not my core would be strong enough to hold me up on the horse, but there were no problems, I wasn't even close to falling off ;-) a kind gentleman lifted me all the way from the ground and onto the horse as that was the only way I would be able to make it all the way up there. I know that my exercising has paid off in one form or another. I was hoping that the fact that I was able to sit on the horse without assistance meant that I had retrained some of my affected muscles, and that I was reversing the disease slowly and steadily, one muscle at a time. I spoke to a physical therapist about it, and he said that he thought it was probably because I am very good at compensating and that I have kept my unaffected muscles very strong. No matter what, I sat on a horse for a while and I did not fall off!

Two days ago we went to a wedding in St Augustine, it was a very pretty wedding. It was held in an old Catholic Cathedral, Tom said that he is not sure he wants to bring me again as I paid more attention to all the pretty pictures than to what was going on up front ;-) Those of you, who have been there, also know that the parking situation is not the best, so we actually had to walk from the church to the reception and back to the car after wards. For most people that would be nothing, but it was a little ways and I did it all without complaining.

The three P's in the headline stand for Peace, Purpose, and Prayer. I have chosen to write about those three P's this time because all three have taken up a lot of time and space in my limited brain over the past few weeks. The order, Peace, Purpose, and Prayer, should in reality probably be reversed and become Prayer, Purpose, and Peace. Since I can't seem to make up my mind, I am going go start in the middle, namely with Purpose.

When I started this blog back in July, I had just set out on a journey of discovery, I needed to find answers to a lot of things. I suffer from a pretty nasty disease. I had up until that day had a very hard time talking to people about the disease, I felt (and to some extent still do) that I had done something to deserve it. It does not make sense I know that, but we live in a world where, if you do something wrong, you get punished. At the time I was what I would consider a "neutral-theist". Atheist would be to strong a word as I don't think I wrote off God as much as God just not being a part of my life. I set out on my journey in search of a reason, or a purpose for my life, I was getting to a point where I felt that fighting MD was a waste of time, as in the end it would not matter, and if it would not matter, why should I keep fighting?

This leads me to Prayer, the need for a purpose did not initially lead me towards religion or Christianity in particular. My path was clear I wanted to be the first person to magically be cured, write a book about it, and get to meet Robin Roberts on GMA. It would be really awesome if I was the one who came up with the cure as well! You may call me humble! I was dreaming, but you've got to set your goals high right? There is, however, a difference between setting high goals and unattainable goals, my goals are unattainable. Unfortunately, these unattainable goals are the only acceptable goals for me. The only acceptable outcome is a treatment and cure for MD, BEFORE it is to late for me. Having those pretty clear cut goals gave me a new problem, I had a purpose, namely to be the first person to magically (or scientifically) be cured from MD. Heck, I would even accept second, third, or just any old place, as long as I got cured. Reaching the goal that will full fill my purpose will, however, be impossible without the help from some higher power.

I have determined that prayer is a very powerful tool in anyone's journey in life, right now I pray that God will help me find out how to let him into my life. I have been told that it is very easy, I just need to open the door, he is knocking. I hope that once I find the door handle and let him in, that I will be able to direct my prayers towards peace. I do not want to accept that I have MD, and that this is as good as it is going to get, but I want to know that all my efforts are not in vain. The purpose I have defined for myself may not be the purpose God has intended, and if I have to believe what people tell me about God, his intentions are good, so the two of them should not be mutually exclusive should they?

Right now I am working on combining the three P's into a unity, that will help me move forward in my journey.

P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com