Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Objects in Mirror are Smaller Than They Appear

I was reading a blog called ED-Bites. It is an amazing blog written by a beautiful person called Carrie, who is describing how she is recovering from Anorexia. What is amazing about the blog is her honesty about how she still sometimes fall into the "woes" of her eating disorder. She wrote a series on relapse prevention. You can read it here:Ed Bites 

So many of the things she writes about ring true, and I know, that I am no angel, I know that right now in my life I am ignoring a lot of Yellow Lights, and possibly even a few Red Lights. I am not going to focus on the "warning lights" in this post, but rather on body dysmorphia once again.

While reading the blog I fell over the statement "objects in mirror are smaller than they appear". I loved the statement, but at the same time it also made me a little sad, as I am not yet at a point where I can believe it. Objects in mirror are smaller than they appear. What a profound statement that people with body dysmorphia just need to believe, and accept. But I can't......

When I go to the fair and walk through the "mirror house", it is easier for me to believe. I am sure you have all had fun going through those at some point in your lives. Some mirrors make you tall and skinny, others make you short and fat. Some distort your body to an extent, that is so unreal, that everybody can laugh at it. While in the mirror house, I become mesmerized by the tall and skinny mirror. THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO LOOK LIKE. I want to be the 5"9'inches and X amount of pounds I so clearly see. The dangerous thing about the tall and skinny mirror is that the distortion is so, that what you see looks real....... No funny shapes, no facial distortion, just you, tall and skinny.

There is no need for me to stop in front of the short and fat mirror, I already have one at home. It is called my "bedroom mirror", and after looking at the tall and skinny mirror, a regular mirror will probably have the short and fat effect on most people. The mirror I use for checking what my outfit for the day is a regular mirror, a mirror that clearly shows my puny 5"5', and XX amount of pounds. A mirror that shows every bit of fat I see, even if others don't. A mirror showing muffin tops, big thighs, double chins, back fat etc etc etc. Things people tell me aren't there.

Does this make sense? No, not really. I want to believe that "Objects in mirror are smaller than they appear" statement, but it is so very hard when you can go to the mirror house and see yourself tall and skinny. The mirror at home is just a regular mirror, but yet, to me I see the short fat person others only see in the distortion mirror at the fair.

Mirrors are tricky.... sneaky little ugly demons, that lie to you.... Dealing with body dysmorphic disorder is believing that the short and fat mirror at the fair is telling the truth. Every day you put yourself in front of the short and fat mirror, believing it is a regular mirror, and not understanding that what you see is a distortion.....

I need to learn to understand, that the mirror in my bedroom is a regular mirror, but that my brain has an app programmed into it, turning it into a short and fat mirror, thus making what I see different from what others see. I see what I perceive to be the truth, but so do others.... The problem is that we are looking at two different reflections...

 Peace
 P

 Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com

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