Heart in the fingertips?

"My dear Bagginses and Boffins, Tooks and Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles and Proudfoots (..... wrong speech but my hope was to get your attention by quoting Bilbo)

No all joking aside, it has now been a week and one day since I started the albuterol. Yesterday I upped the dose from 2mg once a day to 2mg twice a day, I still feel jittery, but it doesn't really bother me, I am not yet sure if it drives Tom insane, I assume he would let me know if it does. The other night while riding my bicycle before going to bed, I noticed that I had much better control over my legs and I was able to go faster than usual. I know, if anything, that this is a placebo effect, it cannot yet be a result of the albuterol, but it is progress and I hope it will keep coming. I know I will not be cured by doing this, but I have to keep trying, I have to know that I am doing everything I can to fight this disease.

I keep receiving a lot of positive feedback on my blog, especially my post on Dual Patriotism posted on July 4th, it apparently touched more people than I knew. The funny thing about that post is that it is the post I have spent the shortest amount of time writing. I was sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee (probably my third or fourth) while Tom was taking his shower and letting James out. I suppose that sometimes just letting your fingers do the walking, opens for direct access to your heart. I meant every word I wrote, but to me the dual patriotism post was nothing special, the only thing different was that I was not applying the usual filter, I let myself get caught off guard. I did not know that I had been caught off guard until I got the huge response to the post. I truly appreciate all the positive feedback I have received and I have never before felt so empowered, I touched a lot of people with very little effort.

I have since then put my filter back up. The fight I fight every day is not a fun fight, and I do not always have the positive attitude I attempt to share here, thus the need for a filter. Without the filter I would often be left feeling vulnerable, weak, and naked (and the last one is not a pretty picture). The current truth about this disease is that there is no cure, and even though my neurologist is hopeful that a treatment or cure will be around for me before it is to late, I have to be realistic about it, I am in for a rough ride. Running 150 mph with blinders on while yelling really loud is not a long term solution, the disease is here whether I want it to or not. This doesn't mean that I should not grab at the rays of hope I see, quite the opposite I need to run faster and jump higher, I just need to run and jump in the right direction.

But, sometimes I also need to stop and smell the roses, or as Tim McGraw sings I need to go skydiving. I need to remember to take in today and save up so I have enough to get me through tomorrow and the next day if needed, and I must allow myself to use of my surplus and let people know that I am using it if I have to. But guess what people; we all do, you never know when your life will all of a sudden take an unexpected turn, and if you don't have enough roses saved up, you could end up running out, and not know where to find them again!

After all, as Bilbo said to Frodo:

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to."

Remember to LIVE LOVE LAUGH HOPE (and stop to enjoy and smell the roses)


P

Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com