Hey Y'all,
I am on day three of my albuterol, and really don't have much to say about it so far other than limiting my coffee intake in the morning to about one cup is a good idea! I am on a really low dose and don't really expect to feel anything for a little while. I noticed Yesterday that I was somewhat fidgety all day, but that is really nothing new as I have fidgety periods on and off. I got a new exercise bike a while ago, and finally got it out Yesterday, and I did really enjoy getting my heart rate up and feeling that I got a good workout. I will keep you all posted on how I feel etc.
I have decided to divide this post into two, if now three different posts, it will be long, and those of you who have no interest in my spiritual journey, may just want to stop reading now. If you you are still interested, get a cup of coffee or tea, and prepare yourselves for a marathon!
I had a really good conversation with one of the people that have inspired me to look more into this whole religion thing the other day, and I got some really nice answers to some of the questions I have had. I keep coming up with new questions, but I will return to that later. Most of my questions refer to the reformed view of Christianity, mainly the views expressed by John Calvin. This is mainly because most of the literature I have read so far has been of that view.
There are several reasons why I have resisted the idea of God most of my life, some of these have now been dispelled, and I feel that my heart may slowly be coming to an agreement with God. Slowly being the key here. I will describe my two main reasons, one is purely selfish, and one is more of an intellectual resistance. My selfish reason is that I have always thought that if there is a God, he should be this big cuddly guy with a white beard, who jumps in and makes everything right when the going gets tough. This is the God that is portrayed on TV, the God some people of faith tell you about when they explain their beliefs to you. There is a picture and poem that comes to mind I am sure most of you have seen it. It is called Footprints. In the poem, the narrator describes how he/she was walking next to God, the picture shows two set of footprints on a beach. However, the narrator then says that when the going got tough, only one set of footprints showed up in the sand. The narrator is disappointed in God for leaving him/her alone during the hard times. God's response in the poem is "that is when I was carrying you". I know a lot of people, who should have been carried, but who wasn't, a lot of people, who could have used the comfort of this cuddly old man, but who didn't get it, myself included. The selfish reason here is "if you are really that nice and caring, couldn't you just help me pick up my feet a little?, and if you are lifting my feet, could you please let me know so I know?"
The intellectual reasons I had for not believing in God was or are, that this simply does NOT make sense. Come on people we all know that people can't walk on water and all that other hokus pokus they try to make us believe, we all know that. If there is a God why doesn't he fix everything that is wrong in the world rather than have his son show off magic tricks on Earth?. Slowly my intellectual arguments appear to be peeled off like layers on an onion. I mentioned above, that most of the literature I have read so far is based on a Calvinist/reformed view, as are most of the conversations I have had. I also have a great Catholic source! One of the first things you will encounter when exploring Calvin is TULIP. I will explain how I understand TULIP, and why it in some ways have helped me make sense of Christianity.
TULIP is also called the five points of Calvinism, they are by no means touchy feely, and they may not make people feel good, but they make me feel better! TULIP in a very brief and simplified way, is an acronym for:
Total Depravity total depravity means that we are all born selfish, and we are unable to choose to serve God on our own, therefore God chooses whom amongst us will be saved! None of us are good, only God is good!
Unconditional Election This basically says that God chooses who he "saves" it has nothing to do with merit.
Limited AtonementThis is a somewhat controversial point, well I guess they all are if you think about it, but this one may strike non Calvinists as particularly controversial. Limited atonement means that Jesus only died for the elect few, and not for everybody.
Irresistible Grace This point states that once you have been chosen you will be unable to resist God's Grace. The Holy Spirit will be the one who makes sure that your heart and brain is in on the deal.
Perseverance of the Saints Means that there is nothing you can do to lose your salvation.
A while I ago I was sick and tired of having MD, I still am, every single day and then some. I have several times mentioned how I kept looking for a reason, how I kept looking for somewhere to place the blame, and how I time after time failed. I decided that if there is nowhere to place blame, other than in nature, fighting would really not be worth it in the long run.
During the conversation the other day, I asked how do you know if you are one of the elect, as the logical part of me would say that I am not one of them. The answer according to the person I was speaking to was that to him, I am a great example of Total Depravity. I grew up in a country that does not put much of an emphasis on religion, in a family that did not practice Christianity other than by celebrating the holidays.
I rejected Christianity because some people are too preachy, there are who want to save me without me asking to be saved. Despite these rejections, something sparked the interest in Christianity, and the right people just happened to be in the right place at the right time. By the right people, I mean intelligent, spiritual people, who have been able to guide me and help me in finding answers to some of all of my questions.
My next question in this connection was then "Do you think you were planted?" "what if I had gone somewhere else the day I ran into you?". He thought he probably was "planted", as are all the other people I continuously torture with my endless stream of naive questions.
The answer to my question about whether or not I am one of the chosen ones, obviously sparked more questions from me, such as why would we even try to be good if it doesn't matter? The answer I got was that the incentive to be "good" (in the human definition of good not God's), is that once you understand the gift Jesus/God has given you, you will do whatever it takes to please Him. Not because you have to but out of gratitude. I am not yet sure what the gift is, but I am sure it may have to do with the little tug I felt in my heart the other day!.
I will stop for now, if I haven't already lost you, I am impressed, and I hope you will take a look at part II as well!
P
Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com
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