Jump

I have now decided that the effects I am feeling are not placebo effects, but little positive effects of the albuterol. Someone told me, why not believe that it is the albuterol? and that is true, why not?

I don't think I ever completely covered the subject of fear. We all live with fear every single day, fear that we get sick, fear that something will happen to a loved one, we fear this and that. It is a part of life. I too have fears. Do I have more fears than the average person? Maybe, maybe not. My fears are that the MD decides to take off tomorrow and I will have lost all mobility within the next couple of months. You guys don't have that fear, but we all have the fear that we could get hit by a semi truck going home form work tomorrow, if that happens my fear of the MD taking off will become secondary. There is fear (the very real fears of getting hit by a truck, or my MD taking off), but then there is also the fear that may or may not be real. The fear I am talking about is actually the "fear of fear itself" as FDR said.

No, I have not lost it. Living with MD or any other crippling disease, create certain fears. I refer to them as my self fulfilling prophesies. No matter where I go I am always afraid to fall. I usually don't fall, but when it does happen, I usually have a feeling of fear deep in the pit of my stomach a few seconds or even minutes before it happens. I have found myself walking on a slope thinking "oh oh, this looks like a dangerous slope I should be careful" and then, 30 seconds later I will be on the ground on my butt. The fear scares me!

Sometimes I also have irrational fears. For some odd reason I have decided that stepping off curbs to get to my car is VERY DANGEROUS, so now I make sure I touch someone's hand when doing so. I have never fallen off a curb, but my mind just decided to fear them.

Where I am going with this is, that I have physically been doing a little bit better because of the albuterol, and I think I am ready to face some of my scary fears, the ones I fear only because they are fears. I spoke to a therapist at the pool where I work out in the morning about how I should approach the curb and other steps in a safe manner, and her response was "JUMP". I asked her what to do if I fall, and she said "we will just have to pick you up and see who has the biggest bruises". Overall in life I may have her beat when it comes to bruises, but she has me beat in sound advise, I made it off the curb on my own the other day without incident. I overcame the fear of the fear of falling without getting bruised!

I think that as long as I am not stupid, I may be able to realistically work with some of these irrational fears and turn them into healthy caution.

Neat eh?

Peace Out

P
Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com