It has been a while since I have talked about my search for a God. It is something that is still very much on my mind, and my understanding and appreciation grows every day. In addition to "deciding" whether or not to believe in God, the toughest part of the journey to me, is to truly understand the Bible. I was told there is actually very little understanding to do, the Bible is pretty straight forward. To me this means, that my resistance to organized religion is justified, there are so many different denominations, and if there is only one truth in the Bible, the denominations can't all be right. My search also greatly influences my mood and as I have expressed in a couple of recent posts, I have been dealing with some frustrations lately, my frustrations have not been of benefit to my search for God, actually the two seem vary directly, the more frustrated I get, the more I doubt that God exists, but I am still fighting.
Since writing "Slowly coming to an agreement? part II" I have been introduced to yet another thinker/writer/speaker. His name is Ravi Zacharias. So far Lewis has sparked my curiosity, Sproul has spoken to my intellect, Keller to the practical part of my brain, and Zacharias, in addition to the first three, also to my heart. He speaks to my heart because his writing and speaking is filled with compassion, respect, humor, and very relevant stories from his own life.
These four gentlemen have changed my life. For years I have not been challenged intellectually, and I am definitely getting that challenge now, and hope to never let go of that again. The challenge has actually turned into a battle in my head! Most people out there will confirm that I can be slightly stubborn at times, and that I don't like being wrong, not even if being wrong could prove to be a good thing.
The battle in my head is the battle between two armies, one telling the other that this is all good, this Christianity thing is pretty neat, there is this cool guy that suffered and died for us, AWESOME. And guess what, our soul could live forever in peace without the suffering we have to deal with right now.
The other army, the one that does not like being wrong fires back and says "yeah that is all fine and dandy, these four guys are a lot smarter than we are and ever will be, they are manipulating us, they want to turn us into their disciple, they want us to give away our personality. Come on get a grip, we have MD, deal with it, this is as good as it gets, quit chasing waterfalls!".
Does God exist or am I chasing waterfalls? I don't know, but I have decided to start praying, I am not asking God to magically cure me tomorrow, or tell me the score of the Vikings/Dolphins game on Sunday. Both would be nice, but I don't really think they are the things you pray about. I just have little conversations in my head at night before going to sleep, asking him to please help me figure out if he is real, because I really want him to be. I have nothing to lose.
Before I finish, I want to mention that the other day I got an email that really touched my heart. Tom and I have been asked to be sponsors for our new little nephew Taiten in Sioux Falls. I am honored and humbled to be trusted with that task, and do not feel I merit all the praise I got in the email. I will do my best to be the best sponsor I can!
You can learn more about Ravi Zacharias on http://www.RZIM.org
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Contact email keepinghopejourney@gmail.com
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